The reality of Life

If you care or love someone, you’ll be supportive in whatever decisions they want in their lives especially if it is for the better. Yes! Being together with the whole family is completely fun and tremendous, that’s what we all want to feel. But as much as we want it, we have to accept the fact that each of us has its own life. We have our own decisions and dreams.

I guess everyone hates this part, but this is the reality.  We have no choice but face it by accepting the fact. We can’t walk away from the reality because wherever we go, it will always find its way.

Acceptance is the key to this situation. Learn to let go things, let your love ones fly on their own. Let them learn and build their own lives.

After all, Love is all about sacrificing. If you love someone you are willing to sacrifice for them. You are willing to set them free, even if it’s against your feelings.

A real dream

It was a pretty hot night, I don't have an air-condition in my room so I let my room door open to allow some wind pass through the door to the window or vise versa.  It was the only night that I've decided to hang my door open, usually no matter how hot the night is I prefer to close my door for privacy, but not that night.  

I fell asleep as soon as I hit the hay.

In my dream.. I was asleep. My two hands were on my stomach. Suddenly, I felt someone’s presence at the door of my room. I didn’t see who exactly was that, all I know was she seemed walking towards my bed. It might be mum checking on me, I thought. But why is she checking on me in the middle of the night? Am I sick? A few seconds later, I felt her hand holding my left hand. I let her do it but curiously I squeezed her hand slowly enough that she won’t know I’m awake. I was shocked, the hand that holding me was not my mum’s hand. I am perfectly sure, it wasn’t her’s. The hand was not a hand of an old lady. My mum’s turning 70 in August. I am expecting a wrinkled hand, but it wasn’t. It was a hand of a young person, like my age. I have no idea if she is a HE or SHE. I was very confused till I realized I am dreaming. In my horror, I started to panic. I tried to move both my feet and hands to make myself awake. I tried to do it over and over again, but my body seemed so heavy that I can’t move it even a bit. It took me many tries before I finally awake. What surprised me most is that, I was positioning the same position in my dream. It feels really true, there was someone who visited me that night I just can’t pinpoint who it was. My heartbeat racing so fast, I didn’t move. I was scared but I was curious to know who it was really. It was a nightmare!!

After a minute I checked my clock it says May 29, 2012 4:55am. I’ve decided to get up, I went to check the kitchen, bathroom, living room and lastly I checked my mum if she is okay. Everything is in place and mum is sleeping. I went back to my room and find my rosary. I put it around my arm, like a bracelet and lied down on my bed again but changed my position to make sure I won’t dream again.
Finally, I was asleep again.

Unfortunately, in spite of changing my position I dreamt again.

I saw my high school classmate named "MG" In my dream we were walking side by side while talking about her ex boyfriend named "FC". As we talked I saw a boy walking ahead of us and he seemed heading to the same place where we going. He turned his head to us and there I know it was FC. I said Hi to him while waving my hand but he just smiled and continued his walk. As I remember he is not walking properly, there's something wrong with his right foot and his right hand. I feel pity on him. I walked faster to reach him, as soon as he saw me he said "you are so big now Mick" he was smiling while he said that but all I respond was a SMILE. I know in myself that I've had a lot of question to him like "how are you" but it didn't came out from my mouth.


We continued our walk, there's no one in there but two of us. We're in the woods, I walked first while he was following me. What happened was, I bumped in a tree. The road where I'm going to is a like a dead end. There's a tree right in the middle of the road and there's a lot of roots that I couldn't go through. 


I heard FC calling me, I turned my head to find him and there he was walking on the other side. "Come here, here's the right road" so I walked back and followed him. I was happy, we were both happy.


I woke up again. And there I know who it was on my first dream. It was FC, he is the one who entered in my room and hold my hand. I felt terrified, mix emotion actually. Scared, happy, sad, etc. I'm scared because I am dreaming someone who is dead, I'm happy because so many times I want to dream about this guy and I did, sad because I missed him so much and knowing I won't see him ever again. Out of hundreds of thousands of dreams that I have had, this one seems so real, so true. 


I felt loved by him because he comes to my dream, he visits me and hold my hands, proof that yes he cares for me. I cried, I want to shout so freaking bad "I want you back" but I was controlling myself. I then started to think all the memories we had, all the good things he did for me, his happy face. How I wish I could bring back the past and pause there just to have him and be with him. I want him to know how special he is, but all this is not gonna happen and it won't ever no matter what I do.

What makes this dream special is because FC once admit to MG about his feeling for me. He said that to her before they became together, but they broke up after almost a year of their relationship. FC died last July 28,2011 5am at age of 26, he is one of those Marine who got killed by the Abussayaf in Mindanao. 


I was hoping to meet him in August, the month after he died, coz he is supposed to go back home but he didn't reached August. All I met was his dead body. 


It was terrifying! 


That's why I'm happy and thankful for this dream. Somehow, he made me feel loved by him, perhaps because he is just right there, watching over me and yes he does, he does feel my love for him. 


I will forever treasure you and I will forever remember those memories we've had together. I miss you so much and I love you Forever! 

Dear God,

Here we go again facing the same exact thing as before. It's very disappointing that after all we've been through we still in the same situation again. I thought everyone has already learned from the past mistakes. I've never expect my other sister would do exactly the same mistake. Such a big failure *shakes head* but things stroke already and it left us no choices but to accept her decision. It may be hard for us but I know every thing will be in place in the right time. For now, let us put our trust to God coz as long as He is there, there's nothing to worry about.

I blame my sister for doing such a thing, especially the yelling over our older sister and blaming her over and over again in spite of all her sacrifices and help. I know how bad it is for her, and I feel so helpless that I can't help her in return of all her goodness. She is that good and helpful and very family minded, I can't even count how many persons she's been helping. She doesn't deserve this, and blaming her is such a terrible thing ever.

I adore my sister Emily so much. And I ask you Lord, begging you to please give her strength and wisdom. Just be with her Lord, she needed you so much. We can't be with her all this time, and you are the last Man I could ask for help. Lord you know that, you see what kind of person she is, so please don't ever leave her. Please let her feel that she is loved.

Please Lord protect my sister, no matter what will happen hope we're still together. Still family. Please forgive us Lord to all our sins. I know you have reasons, I hope we'll see it soon. Just don't abandon us Lord, please.

Song lyrics that captured my heart

First time that I saw you, looking back you did. We were young, we were restless....

‘cause love only comes once in a while, it knocks on your door and throws you a smile. It takes every breath, leaves every scar, speaks through your soul, and sings through your heart. If I knew then would I know now? I’d fall in love....

~IF I KNEW THEN by Lady Antebellum~


If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I’ll sail the world to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can’t see, I’ll be the light to guide you....
You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry...
I’ll never let go, never say goodbye...
~COUNT ON ME by Bruno Mars~


...I’d rather had bad times with you than good times with someone else. I’d rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself. I’d rather have hard times together than too have it easy apart. I’d rather have the one who holds my heart....
~I’D RATHER by Luther Vandross~

...I know you’re somewhere out there somewhere far away. I want you back, I want you back. My neighbours think I’m crazy but they don’t understand. You’re all I have, you’re all I have.

A night with the stars light up my room, I sit by myself. Talking to the moon, I try to get to you. And hope you’re on the other side talking to me too forevermore since alone talk into the moon....
~TALKING TO THE MOON by Bruno Mars~


.....Even though we’re far apart you’re right beside me in my heart.
.....Even though you’re far away I’m right beside you day by day...
~MY LOVE IS HERE by Erik Santos~


....and I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time. It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone and I need you now...
~NEED YOU NOW by Lady Antebellum~



Boy it’s been all this time, and I can’t get you off my mind. Nobody knows it but me....
...Everyday I wipe my tears away so many nights I pray for you to stay. I should’ve been chasing you. I should have been tried to prove that you were only matter to me.
...’cause what we had is all we’d ever need....
~ALL WE’D EVER NEED by Lady Antebellum~


Bucket full tears. Babe you know I’m here. I’m here waiting. Close your precious eyes and just realize I’m still fighting....
...Wake up feel the air that I am breathing. I can’t explain this feeling that I’m feeling. I won’t go another day without you...
~WITHOUT YOU by Aj Rafael~

YOU FOREVER

You were shot.
They ripped your head off.

You’re lying down in a coffin.
Your precious eyes were closed.
You’re no longer moving.
You were dead.

I was very hurt.
I was so weak.
I fainted and fell down.

I cried.

You’re gone.
I can’t see you.
I can’t hear you.
You never exist anymore.

I want you back.
I want you alive and breathing.
I want to see your flesh.
I want to feel your soul.

I want to touch you.
I want to hug you.
I want to feel your heartbeat.

I want you to know.
I want you to hear.
I want you to feel.

You are very special.
You are too important.
You are all I want.

You are my only love.
You are my everything.
You are my life.

I miss you.
I love you.
I love you forever.

Page 5 of 366 :)

Now I got a total of 109 post since I started this blog. What an achievement for having an enthusiasm to continue what I've started. All these are nothing, but for English purposes. I can't judge whether I improve or not. All I know is that, everyday I'm using most of the words I know. I think it's enough to use it all the time, it's part of maintaining what I've learnt.

Today is January 5,2012. Page 5 of 366, I've already missed the first four page but no..I'm not really thinking of doing the writings everyday that's very hard to maintain. I will just be here whenever I got free time or if I'm not lazy of course :)

I can't say I had a great year last year coz there were so many bad things that had happens in my life. Family problems, own problem, plus the death of you-know-who to mention the few. But aside from all these circumstances I know I had enough to be thankful for. And that's the life I have right now, and the whole family is okay and in good health. Family relationship problem is not good but I'd rather have it than losing anyone I truly loved. I could handle the first one but not the death. I so pray to God that HE would give us many chances to be together, Physically and mentally. THat's what really matters to me now, that everyone is alive and healthy. Other than that, I have no more to ask for. What I have is enough, God knows when to give and what to give. I will just leave it all up to HIM, as HE knows better than me.

Well, my wish for 2012 is again the health and safety of my family. I hope this whole year will be great for all of us. Problem is just there, we can't avoid it but I hope we have the strength to handle them and the ability to keep moving no matter what will happen. May the love wins over anything else, and the acceptance will remain in our hearts.

If we trust God...Everything is gonna be fine. May HE guide us all throughout the year.

Azkals

Since I have nothing to do right now, why don’t I write about football? Well, as I watch different games a week I discovered different things too. One of it is that, football player can be an actor too. What made me say that? Most of the time players were acting as if they were hurt by their opponent. When I saw them acting like that, it cracks me up LOL. Those players were so funny. They have to act very well so the referee would give a foul to their opponent. It gives them break then. Some of it is effective but some isn’t.
I also noticed this kind of thing in basketball. It also works in Rugby, I think. It does just make me laugh when player act like he is really hurt when the fact is, no one did touched him. That time when the replies started to flick on your screen many times in slow motion. You would really see if someone fouled you or not. It’s embarrassing on their part sometimes but they can’t help it when it’s already done.
On the other side, what the heck is wrong with my feet? They are hurt a little bit. It makes me uncomfortable. Oh it’s 9pm already? Clock runs so fast. Think I gotta go take my dinner now and have shower so I could sleep early. There’s no good show tonight so I guess I’ll go to bed as soon as I’m done helping myself. That’s all for now peeps. You take your dinner as well 

Football

The connection is not working very well. I think this has something to do with the typhoon. Wires are affected, so is the connection. Hope everything will be fixed soon. This is annoying, can’t able to check and update both my facebook and twitter status. All I could see in the news are all about the disaster cause by typhoon. I want to know some other news, other than typhoon. I mean, those are bad news and it makes me sad. I need good news.
I’m into sports this year; I support all the sports under Philippine Team. I just realized I have to start loving my own and should be proud of them. I have to appreciate all the hard work and sacrifices of the team just to prove to other countries that Filipinos have talent and that we exist. Sports could help gain respect from other countries and I think that’s what our prayers are thinking too.
Players are committed to do their part as a player to represent our Nation. As a citizen of this country, I think that’s the least we could do. To cheer and support. Each of us has a part, let’s do our share because our players gained strength from their fans. A loud scream could heal their tiredness and give them hope.
Anyways, I did two blogs already but the connection is still the same. Still slow and that makes me a bit annoy now. The weather was good today; I thought the connection is already fixed.