Talk the talk, walk the walk

This is gonna to be the perfect quote for myself this 2016. This year is life changing and it offers me a lot of opportunity. I am so lucky to have sister who is willing to help me and a brother in-law who's been so supportive. I can't thank them enough for everything they've done but one thing I want to make sure I want to make them happy in return and I can only do that if I teach myself to become strong. Putting myself in a good place would make them super duper happy. They did their share it's time for me to step out of my comfort zone and face my fear. This is not just for me, but for them who help me and to those people I love so much - my family. From now on, set aside the fear and let your voice be heard let your opinion be heard. Don't just sit there and listen to what people are talking it's time get involved. Change your life style to a competitive one. Fly high 2016!!! I own you!!! 2016 is my lucky year... I pray for it! It's time to unleash the power within. BIG SMILE for a big future ahead!!! cheers!

Please Lord make me brave and fearless

Time has come.. the day I've been waiting for. It is the start of something new, something life changing but first I have to make a final decision. Decision that will bring me to something positive but only if I work hard for it. I'm done with schooling but if it takes for me to do it just to gain my resedency in Australia I will do it. Everything seemed okay but surprisingly I just received a call telling me I have to study at the university for 4 years if your aiming to stay in Australia. For so many years of waiting, this is all I got?! Seriously? Now I feel like I've wasted so much time. I shouldn't have had rely on this in the first place. I feel so stupid right now. And I am task to decide in 2days . I don't know what to do this is so stressful. My brain is almost bursting.. thinking deep.. thinking too much what is the right thing to do right here right now. I don't want to regret and blame myself anymore. So much regret and so much disappointments in life. I want to end it, seriously. Please Lord break the chain and help me make my life change to a better one, to a successful one. Please give me strength, because I know that's the one thing I don't have right now. I am such a coward person, something I want to get rid of. I want to be brave I want to be strong to face the world. Please Lord show me the right direction, please guide me with your light so I could see the right road. Aside from myself, You are the only one who could make me a different person. A person who isn't afraid to face her life. Please Lord make me brave and fearless. I know it's gonna be hard for the first time, I have to keep that in mind but after awhile once I get to know the people I am with, once I familiarized the environment and the business around me I know I can make it. I know I can make my dreams happen. It is late, very late for my age to do this. But I have no choice, because if you really want to reach my dream then I have to face every challenge along with it, I have to sacrifice. No one travels the road of success without crossing the road of failures. I have to keep that in mind too.

FLAR

“Do you remember our high school life?! We used to do crazy things, like taking picture, teasing each other, cheating and so many more.”

“Our section is very noisy even the class is going on and then our teacher is always mad. That’s when she decided to arrange the seat into two. It should be girl and boy so they can’t talk to each other.”

“You know what?! It makes me happy, our last name are both start at the same letter so I really thought we’ll be seatmate. But then we’re not. I’m still lucky though ‘cause your seatmate is always absent so I always fill in the empty space next to you.”

“I remember talking to you but you’re avoiding me like as if you didn’t hear me. It’s either you didn’t want to talk to me or you hated me.”

“Do you even notice when it’s your time to report I’m always sitting in the front seat? Do you remember that our teacher in science asked me why are you sitting there, it’s not your seat and then someone told her because you’re the one who’s reporting, that’s why. I’m blushing that moment but you don’t have any reaction.”

“During the lunch time you’re always with your closest friend, you guys lunch together at the restaurant near the school. That’s what you used to do every lunch time. I thought what if I asked your friends to have lunch in our house and so you’ll come too or else you’ll be eating alone. But against my expectation, of the entire group you’re the only one who doesn’t want to come. You know of all, you are the most especial and that plan is for you but what you did is you went home and have lunch in your house instead. You have no idea how frustrated I am that time.”

“Every day we are practicing our CAT and we can’t choose our riffle to use. Do you remember that the riffle you got is too massive and you guys already in a formation but I went there to exchange mine to yours so won’t get tired. They teased us, remember that?! But like always, you have no reaction.”

“I remember we have no class that whole afternoon but we still have a CAT at 5 o’clock so some of us decided to stay inside the school instead and just wait till our CAT. I remember you went home right after our morning class and you said you’ll go back at 4:45. We’ve been there for almost three hours and you still didn’t come and so I ask a favor to one of our classmate to call you and tell you that the CAT will start in a few minute so you’ll come already. And yes you did.”

“And there’s a moment where I was informed by my best friend who is a CAT officer that we’ll have a meeting. I called you right away but then you’re not in the house and so you missed it. And I miss you.”

“Some of our classmates are exchanging photos as a remembrance for each other because we only have few months before we graduate. And then they saw my photo and ask me to give it to them but I didn’t give instead I gave it to you. They teased us again ‘cause of so many of them asking it I gave it to you when you’re not even asking it. That moment you make me happy without your knowing ‘cause you accepted my photo.”

“Do you remember when we are seating outside the classroom while waiting for our English teacher? And then one of our class mate told you, “you know what?! There’s someone in here that has a crush on you” and then my whole face went red because I didn’t expect her to say that. Well, most of our classmates already know that I have a feeling for you before I even told them. I think you’re the only one who doesn’t know that.”

“I think I’ve already did everything to make you notice me but none of it works. You’re still away from me; it seems to me that it doesn’t change anything about your feeling for me. I am so busted.”

“That triggered me to tell you the truth instead, You’re sitting in the covered court this time with your best friend and then I seat next to your best friend and told her you know what I have a crush on the girl next to you. And then I called my best friend and told him I got a crush on her. You heard all of it, but then I saw your face seemed very serious more likely anger.”

“It breaks my heart you know. That moment I decided to quit.”

“I tried to avoid you against my will. You’re not talking to me as well, you’re not even smiling. I felt someone is punching my heart. I can’t understand that in spite of everything I did, all the efforts you still hated me.”

“From then on we’re not talking to each other until graduation.”

“What a saddest ending for me.”

 

 

IELTS preparation

It’s been so long since I last update my blog. I should have never stop writing since I last took my IELTS exam. It’s too lazy of me for not even reading blogs or something to practice or improve my English. I’ve been studying English since I started schooling, it’s been how many years but until now I am still struggling to make it right, at least right even not perfect. Therefore I conclude that English wasn’t easy because if it is then I might be great right now.

I still believe that reading everyday and writing anything that goes to your mind is a perfect way of exercising your brain and improving your vocabulary. I know this very well but… I’m just too lazy doing it. Instead of writing I spend most of my time on social media. Although reading English tweets will help but I know reading blogs is so much better.

Again I made a wrong mistake here, extreme mistake I should say. I’ll be taking IELTS exam in less three months and I am supposed to be better, so much better than the last exam. But it turns out that I am much better before than today. I hate it, but it’s the fact.

I hate myself for all these, but I know it’s not the best thing to do it right now. I only have a very short time to review before the exam, this time I know I should make it higher but I don’t have that confidence the way I have during my previous IELTS.

Oh Lord here I am, please help me survive. This time my IELTS is very important, this is final and whatever the result is, it’s going to affect my future. Please give me courage and inspire me everyday to be responsible of my review.

I want to save money by not going to a review school . I don’t think self review is the best thing here; I also have a responsibility with my mother so going review school is kind of complicated.

Oh Lord, please be my guide.

This going to be my first writing, this is actually serves as a warm up for my IELTS. I should really take this seriously and my efforts play big to get a higher score.

October 8 is the date and I should be prepared than ever. I’m not gonna change the date so my sister will have a time to process my visa.

GOOd Luck to me!

My very first adventure alone!

 

March 5, 2014 it was my first ever travel outside the country alone. Can’t explain my feelings, I am sad knowing that I have a family left behind. Even I knew I will only be away for three months, still couldn’t deny the sadness that I feel. Can’t even say goodbye to them formally because I know I’m going to cry.

On the other hand, there is an excitement in me. This has been my dream before, going to other country, riding the plane, and visiting my family abroad.

I’m very thankful that I didn’t feel any fear or nervous of traveling alone.

It was 10 in the morning when I left Bacolod and touchdown to Manila around 11 in the morning. It was also my very first time to be in Manila, what a shame!

It was 4 in the afternoon when I flew from Manila and arrived at Singapore around 9 in the evening.  Again, it was my very first time to be in Singapore. At least!

I stopped at Changi airport – Singapore for twelve hours and depart around 8 in the morning to my final destination – Perth City, Australia at exactly 1 in the afternoon.

I Can’t explain my feelings, I can’t believe I’m already setting my foot on Australia’s soil for the first time ever! I can’t explain the happiness that I felt. I can’t believe I can do it flawlessly without the feeling of nervousness or something.

And then I saw my two sisters at the waiting area waiting for me. Such a perfect moment, wish I could stop the clock and maintain the status quo. Best feeling ever!

This is my very first adventure alone! So amazing!

Finally, I'm going away for good! Thank God!

            Finally my question has been answered. I’m going to Australia next year to start my life. I’m going to take my course which is hospitality management in Australia on July 2016.

            All my life I’ve been waiting for this to happen. It takes a decade before I know I’m really going there. Lots of disappointment and frustrations, I’m on the edge of my patience and almost giving up, I can’t avoid it. But here I am, I think this is it! My life will change the moment I step up on the plane.

            It’s not going to be easy, leaving everyone that I love and living in the place which is totally strange for me. I have faith in God that’s the only thing I have, and either I like it or not I have to believe in myself. I have to live and face my life alone.

            I know God is there for me as I do this. Lord, please help me overcome all the challenges that come in my life. Help me succeed so I could help my sisters and parents.

            Lord, please help me survived mentally and whatever happen to me in Australia please give me strength not to give up.

            I hope the good Lord help me get through all these. Amen.

           

             

Unfinished story, still wanna post

                It was Tuesday afternoon. I was lying down on my bed waiting to fall asleep, suddenly my mobile phone beeped. I grabbed the phone hurriedly and read the message.

                “Hey there, how you doing?” it was Maddy, my childhood friend.

                “Hey, I’m well. You?” I replied quickly.

                “Ummm not really ok, because of you. I mean, are you sure you’re not coming with us this weekend? I can’t get over about you-saying-no yesterday” I could feel the sadness in her text.

                “I’m really sorry about it bessy. I thought we’re already done with it. Yesterday, you know you said okay.”

                “yeah, but I’ve changed my mind. I really want you to come. Please bessy.” She pleaded.

                Our groups of friends were planning to have a reunion in the island of Bohol. It takes us two rides by plane to get there. Or via bus and then OceanJet.

            I am perfectly sure Mum won’t let me go that far away. It’s just a reunion; you can do it here, why you really need to go somewhere far away?! I can’t see the point, besides whatever happens to you out there is not worth it! Either your sisters won’t let you come. These is going to be the line I’m gonna hear if I mention this to mum. I don’t want hear it, so what is the purpose of me telling this to her?!

After 5 years since we graduated in high school our classmates wants to reunite. Annie one of my best friends told me about this plan a month ago, as they are the officials during their senior years. We never graduated in the same school because I transferred to other school, but we are classmates since first year to third year.

                “I can’t promise, but let me see what I can do. Okay?” That’s all I can say for now, I thought. I hit the send button and started thinking what should I do to make my sister and mum allows me to go for one long trip.

                “Okay, Please please find a way. I really want you to be with us bess. It’s really exciting and fun and we all are excited.” She replied.

            “Let’s just hope my mum would let me bess, trust me I’d really love to come.” I just said to comfort her.

                I put down my phone after our conversation, then my thoughts running randomly to my strict mum and over protective sisters.

                I felt so hot and my whole body seemed like sweating. I opened my eyes and the light of the sun blinded me. I was flattered, I thought it was night but it was so light. Against the will of my lazy body I stood up and reached the ON button of the air condition. I threw back my whole body back to bed, and then the room started to get cool. That’s when I realized I was on myself now.

                I took my phone to check the message but I got zero messages. I rechecked my inbox instead and there I read Maddy’s text messages again.

As much as I don’t want to hear my mum’s sermon, I still manage to tell her.

It took me a lot of explanations and promises. And in the end out of my expectations she let me. It is such a big relief in my part to make my mum allow me.

I can’t explain the excitement that I felt. And I can’t wait to tell it to everybody that I’m coming. I’m pretty sure it would make them happy of my presence.

“Hey Maddy, guess what! Mum let me come with you guys this weekend.” I wrote with excitement.

“Really? That’s great! You really make my happy!” She replied in just a minute.

“Yeah I know, I did talk to her and convinced her so freaking bad and luckily she was convinced. Thank God!” I exclaimed happily.

“You are very lucky! Oh wait, did we talk earlier?” She replied greatly with a little awkwardness on the last part.

“hello??? Didn’t you just pleading over me, begging even to do something to make my ass come with you guys?” I said shaking my head in confusion. What is going on with you bessy. I thought.

It took a while before she could reply. I’ve even done brushing my teeth and applying some moisturizer on my face.

“Oh yeah! God I’m sorry I’m just...I don’t know... maybe I’m just out of myself in a moment hahaha. Crazy me! Anyways, start packing your stuff ‘cause it’s going to be a long and exciting trip. Make sure you bring important things with you.” A long message appeared on my screen. Wow! It is not obvious that Maddy is way too excited for the trip. I just thought.

“haha, you’re acting weird bessy. I think it has something to do with over excitement. I understand that! *winks*” I just said.

“Sure thing! I still have the whole day tomorrow for the packing. Thanks again.” I continued.

 

 

Saturday morning, I was in my room checking up all my stuff when I heard a horn outside. I went to peek through my window “They’re here” I told to myself.

“Ariane! I think it’s your friend outside.” I heard mum calling while I was on my way downstairs.

“Coming” I replied almost a yelled while half running to the door.

At the front door, I saw mum at the gate already– opening it for them. Then one by one all the familiar faces started to jump off the back of the black 4x4 pick-up.

“Hi Tita!...Hello Tita... I missed you Tita...” It’s almost a chorus that I can’t identify who are saying it, plus a kiss and a hug to my mum.

Seeing them make me felt sad and happy. It’s a mixed emotion. After so many years, I’ve never thought we could still do the same stuff we used to do before, back in high school.

It’s not obvious to hear those words from them to my mum, because they used to go here in our house when we’re still in high school. Especially, when we have a project or group study. Even during my birthdays.

Mum is really good to them ever since, she always welcomed them in our house that’s why my classmates really like her too. Maybe that’s one of the reason why she let me in this adventure. It’s just that mum ain’t really a big fan of me going with the friends all the time. She rather let them come to my place than me coming over their places. She’s a biased parent but I totally love her and very thankful she’s my mum.

“Hey guys!” I said surprisingly. And they seemed all pleased to see me.

I hugged each of them, and then I saw everyone in the car started to get out and headed to us as soon as they saw me.

“Oh my God! I’ve missed you all so much guys!” I said to them tearfully.

I am still hugging Annie while I was fronting the pick-up and noticed that there’s still someone’s left in the car. The driver’s door opened and wallah! Someone so familiar face is heading towards us. I looked down as soon as I know he didn’t see me looking at him. I act as if I never saw him.

“Hi!” Said the familiar voice.

Again I act like as if I was startled. I looked up and meet his eyes. We’re staring at each other for a moment then we both smile. I felt bizarre and I don’t know what to do. I’m no good at this thingy.

He came closer to me and gave me a hug, I hugged him back like an idiot but I know it was just a friendly hug just like I do and he does to our friends. From that very moment, I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know exactly what I feel.

            His name is Jay, my high school crush. He is so tall now and masculine and more handsome than before.

           

            At the plane, Annie and I seated next to each other. I started to count us all in my mind.

            Me, Annie, Maddy, Marrie, Ruby, Dannielle, Cherry, Sarah, Girlan , Juliet, Jay, Fredd, Gary, Marc, John, Seth, Jun, Micheal and josh. We’re all nineteen.

            I can’t keep the excitement, besides this also my first time to be in the place. They booked the whole property; with private swimming it is located at the top of the hill where you can see the chocolate hills.

            The house is so big, and looks luxury. The Living area is my favorite one, it’s very open, and the windows are glass from top to the bottom where you can see the swimming pool. I’m really in love with the place. In fact I was imagining, I would love to have a house like that.

            There are eight rooms and four bathrooms. The three rooms are occupied by the boys while the five others are for girls. The boys are gentlemen enough to give up the one room as we are more than them.

            It was already five in the afternoon when we all finished arranging our stuff.

            “Okay guys, it’s already five what are we going to have for dinner?!” Gary asks from the kitchen.

            “The market is a little bit far away from here, I don’t think we have enough time to go there and get some foods.” Dannielle answered.

            “Guys, don’t worry! I’ve already ask the cook to prepare us dinner for tonight.” Marrie called out from outside.

            “You’re a life saver Marrie! That’s why you are not so worried.” Jay told to Marrie in relief as he walked towards her.

            Marrie is our first honor since first year to fourth year. She is smart and talented girl I know in school. She’s the one who plan this reunion up to the booking and stuff.

            “Great! So we have nothing to worry about! How about let’s swim, I’m sure the pool is pretty tired of waiting us.” John teased. He is such a jolly guy ever. He’d never changed.

            I was just leaning on the wall laughing at their craziness.

           

 

           
To be continued.......

The reality of Life

If you care or love someone, you’ll be supportive in whatever decisions they want in their lives especially if it is for the better. Yes! Being together with the whole family is completely fun and tremendous, that’s what we all want to feel. But as much as we want it, we have to accept the fact that each of us has its own life. We have our own decisions and dreams.

I guess everyone hates this part, but this is the reality.  We have no choice but face it by accepting the fact. We can’t walk away from the reality because wherever we go, it will always find its way.

Acceptance is the key to this situation. Learn to let go things, let your love ones fly on their own. Let them learn and build their own lives.

After all, Love is all about sacrificing. If you love someone you are willing to sacrifice for them. You are willing to set them free, even if it’s against your feelings.