I want to go to Australia now

Sorry about my previous post. I'm really sad and feel so miserable about the status of my life. I regret so much for letting this happened. I'm such a coward and I always put the fear on the top of everything. That's the big reason why I didn't succeed. I wanna punch myself so fucking hard, I want to awake myself from this shit dreams. I want to change, I want to do something but I just didn't know how and where to start.

My sister keeps on telling me that maybe next couple of months we will start processing your paper so I can go to Australia. But God until now I'm still here, still can't find a work because of that. I supposed to go to Australia last year, they told me to prepare for the IELTS. Instead of finding a job, I didn't coz I prepared for IELTS but after that they told me I'm not going with my sister. She will go alone without me :( She is older than me so they will take her first.

I've waited for so long, I didn't find a job knowing they will start processing my visa. Now they are telling me, early next year. Hope this one will be sure, I really wanna go there, I want to start living. As time goes by I'm getting old, it's time to start my career and work so hard. I want to fill up those missing years I've been free out of work.

To my sister please, do anything to take me here :( I'll pay you later as long as I'm done with my study and have work. Please, I'm so old now I want to work and reach my dreams. I want to start it right now, I'm already late. PLEASE!