My very first adventure alone!

 

March 5, 2014 it was my first ever travel outside the country alone. Can’t explain my feelings, I am sad knowing that I have a family left behind. Even I knew I will only be away for three months, still couldn’t deny the sadness that I feel. Can’t even say goodbye to them formally because I know I’m going to cry.

On the other hand, there is an excitement in me. This has been my dream before, going to other country, riding the plane, and visiting my family abroad.

I’m very thankful that I didn’t feel any fear or nervous of traveling alone.

It was 10 in the morning when I left Bacolod and touchdown to Manila around 11 in the morning. It was also my very first time to be in Manila, what a shame!

It was 4 in the afternoon when I flew from Manila and arrived at Singapore around 9 in the evening.  Again, it was my very first time to be in Singapore. At least!

I stopped at Changi airport – Singapore for twelve hours and depart around 8 in the morning to my final destination – Perth City, Australia at exactly 1 in the afternoon.

I Can’t explain my feelings, I can’t believe I’m already setting my foot on Australia’s soil for the first time ever! I can’t explain the happiness that I felt. I can’t believe I can do it flawlessly without the feeling of nervousness or something.

And then I saw my two sisters at the waiting area waiting for me. Such a perfect moment, wish I could stop the clock and maintain the status quo. Best feeling ever!

This is my very first adventure alone! So amazing!

Finally, I'm going away for good! Thank God!

            Finally my question has been answered. I’m going to Australia next year to start my life. I’m going to take my course which is hospitality management in Australia on July 2016.

            All my life I’ve been waiting for this to happen. It takes a decade before I know I’m really going there. Lots of disappointment and frustrations, I’m on the edge of my patience and almost giving up, I can’t avoid it. But here I am, I think this is it! My life will change the moment I step up on the plane.

            It’s not going to be easy, leaving everyone that I love and living in the place which is totally strange for me. I have faith in God that’s the only thing I have, and either I like it or not I have to believe in myself. I have to live and face my life alone.

            I know God is there for me as I do this. Lord, please help me overcome all the challenges that come in my life. Help me succeed so I could help my sisters and parents.

            Lord, please help me survived mentally and whatever happen to me in Australia please give me strength not to give up.

            I hope the good Lord help me get through all these. Amen.

           

             

Unfinished story, still wanna post

                It was Tuesday afternoon. I was lying down on my bed waiting to fall asleep, suddenly my mobile phone beeped. I grabbed the phone hurriedly and read the message.

                “Hey there, how you doing?” it was Maddy, my childhood friend.

                “Hey, I’m well. You?” I replied quickly.

                “Ummm not really ok, because of you. I mean, are you sure you’re not coming with us this weekend? I can’t get over about you-saying-no yesterday” I could feel the sadness in her text.

                “I’m really sorry about it bessy. I thought we’re already done with it. Yesterday, you know you said okay.”

                “yeah, but I’ve changed my mind. I really want you to come. Please bessy.” She pleaded.

                Our groups of friends were planning to have a reunion in the island of Bohol. It takes us two rides by plane to get there. Or via bus and then OceanJet.

            I am perfectly sure Mum won’t let me go that far away. It’s just a reunion; you can do it here, why you really need to go somewhere far away?! I can’t see the point, besides whatever happens to you out there is not worth it! Either your sisters won’t let you come. These is going to be the line I’m gonna hear if I mention this to mum. I don’t want hear it, so what is the purpose of me telling this to her?!

After 5 years since we graduated in high school our classmates wants to reunite. Annie one of my best friends told me about this plan a month ago, as they are the officials during their senior years. We never graduated in the same school because I transferred to other school, but we are classmates since first year to third year.

                “I can’t promise, but let me see what I can do. Okay?” That’s all I can say for now, I thought. I hit the send button and started thinking what should I do to make my sister and mum allows me to go for one long trip.

                “Okay, Please please find a way. I really want you to be with us bess. It’s really exciting and fun and we all are excited.” She replied.

            “Let’s just hope my mum would let me bess, trust me I’d really love to come.” I just said to comfort her.

                I put down my phone after our conversation, then my thoughts running randomly to my strict mum and over protective sisters.

                I felt so hot and my whole body seemed like sweating. I opened my eyes and the light of the sun blinded me. I was flattered, I thought it was night but it was so light. Against the will of my lazy body I stood up and reached the ON button of the air condition. I threw back my whole body back to bed, and then the room started to get cool. That’s when I realized I was on myself now.

                I took my phone to check the message but I got zero messages. I rechecked my inbox instead and there I read Maddy’s text messages again.

As much as I don’t want to hear my mum’s sermon, I still manage to tell her.

It took me a lot of explanations and promises. And in the end out of my expectations she let me. It is such a big relief in my part to make my mum allow me.

I can’t explain the excitement that I felt. And I can’t wait to tell it to everybody that I’m coming. I’m pretty sure it would make them happy of my presence.

“Hey Maddy, guess what! Mum let me come with you guys this weekend.” I wrote with excitement.

“Really? That’s great! You really make my happy!” She replied in just a minute.

“Yeah I know, I did talk to her and convinced her so freaking bad and luckily she was convinced. Thank God!” I exclaimed happily.

“You are very lucky! Oh wait, did we talk earlier?” She replied greatly with a little awkwardness on the last part.

“hello??? Didn’t you just pleading over me, begging even to do something to make my ass come with you guys?” I said shaking my head in confusion. What is going on with you bessy. I thought.

It took a while before she could reply. I’ve even done brushing my teeth and applying some moisturizer on my face.

“Oh yeah! God I’m sorry I’m just...I don’t know... maybe I’m just out of myself in a moment hahaha. Crazy me! Anyways, start packing your stuff ‘cause it’s going to be a long and exciting trip. Make sure you bring important things with you.” A long message appeared on my screen. Wow! It is not obvious that Maddy is way too excited for the trip. I just thought.

“haha, you’re acting weird bessy. I think it has something to do with over excitement. I understand that! *winks*” I just said.

“Sure thing! I still have the whole day tomorrow for the packing. Thanks again.” I continued.

 

 

Saturday morning, I was in my room checking up all my stuff when I heard a horn outside. I went to peek through my window “They’re here” I told to myself.

“Ariane! I think it’s your friend outside.” I heard mum calling while I was on my way downstairs.

“Coming” I replied almost a yelled while half running to the door.

At the front door, I saw mum at the gate already– opening it for them. Then one by one all the familiar faces started to jump off the back of the black 4x4 pick-up.

“Hi Tita!...Hello Tita... I missed you Tita...” It’s almost a chorus that I can’t identify who are saying it, plus a kiss and a hug to my mum.

Seeing them make me felt sad and happy. It’s a mixed emotion. After so many years, I’ve never thought we could still do the same stuff we used to do before, back in high school.

It’s not obvious to hear those words from them to my mum, because they used to go here in our house when we’re still in high school. Especially, when we have a project or group study. Even during my birthdays.

Mum is really good to them ever since, she always welcomed them in our house that’s why my classmates really like her too. Maybe that’s one of the reason why she let me in this adventure. It’s just that mum ain’t really a big fan of me going with the friends all the time. She rather let them come to my place than me coming over their places. She’s a biased parent but I totally love her and very thankful she’s my mum.

“Hey guys!” I said surprisingly. And they seemed all pleased to see me.

I hugged each of them, and then I saw everyone in the car started to get out and headed to us as soon as they saw me.

“Oh my God! I’ve missed you all so much guys!” I said to them tearfully.

I am still hugging Annie while I was fronting the pick-up and noticed that there’s still someone’s left in the car. The driver’s door opened and wallah! Someone so familiar face is heading towards us. I looked down as soon as I know he didn’t see me looking at him. I act as if I never saw him.

“Hi!” Said the familiar voice.

Again I act like as if I was startled. I looked up and meet his eyes. We’re staring at each other for a moment then we both smile. I felt bizarre and I don’t know what to do. I’m no good at this thingy.

He came closer to me and gave me a hug, I hugged him back like an idiot but I know it was just a friendly hug just like I do and he does to our friends. From that very moment, I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know exactly what I feel.

            His name is Jay, my high school crush. He is so tall now and masculine and more handsome than before.

           

            At the plane, Annie and I seated next to each other. I started to count us all in my mind.

            Me, Annie, Maddy, Marrie, Ruby, Dannielle, Cherry, Sarah, Girlan , Juliet, Jay, Fredd, Gary, Marc, John, Seth, Jun, Micheal and josh. We’re all nineteen.

            I can’t keep the excitement, besides this also my first time to be in the place. They booked the whole property; with private swimming it is located at the top of the hill where you can see the chocolate hills.

            The house is so big, and looks luxury. The Living area is my favorite one, it’s very open, and the windows are glass from top to the bottom where you can see the swimming pool. I’m really in love with the place. In fact I was imagining, I would love to have a house like that.

            There are eight rooms and four bathrooms. The three rooms are occupied by the boys while the five others are for girls. The boys are gentlemen enough to give up the one room as we are more than them.

            It was already five in the afternoon when we all finished arranging our stuff.

            “Okay guys, it’s already five what are we going to have for dinner?!” Gary asks from the kitchen.

            “The market is a little bit far away from here, I don’t think we have enough time to go there and get some foods.” Dannielle answered.

            “Guys, don’t worry! I’ve already ask the cook to prepare us dinner for tonight.” Marrie called out from outside.

            “You’re a life saver Marrie! That’s why you are not so worried.” Jay told to Marrie in relief as he walked towards her.

            Marrie is our first honor since first year to fourth year. She is smart and talented girl I know in school. She’s the one who plan this reunion up to the booking and stuff.

            “Great! So we have nothing to worry about! How about let’s swim, I’m sure the pool is pretty tired of waiting us.” John teased. He is such a jolly guy ever. He’d never changed.

            I was just leaning on the wall laughing at their craziness.

           

 

           
To be continued.......

The reality of Life

If you care or love someone, you’ll be supportive in whatever decisions they want in their lives especially if it is for the better. Yes! Being together with the whole family is completely fun and tremendous, that’s what we all want to feel. But as much as we want it, we have to accept the fact that each of us has its own life. We have our own decisions and dreams.

I guess everyone hates this part, but this is the reality.  We have no choice but face it by accepting the fact. We can’t walk away from the reality because wherever we go, it will always find its way.

Acceptance is the key to this situation. Learn to let go things, let your love ones fly on their own. Let them learn and build their own lives.

After all, Love is all about sacrificing. If you love someone you are willing to sacrifice for them. You are willing to set them free, even if it’s against your feelings.

A real dream

It was a pretty hot night, I don't have an air-condition in my room so I let my room door open to allow some wind pass through the door to the window or vise versa.  It was the only night that I've decided to hang my door open, usually no matter how hot the night is I prefer to close my door for privacy, but not that night.  

I fell asleep as soon as I hit the hay.

In my dream.. I was asleep. My two hands were on my stomach. Suddenly, I felt someone’s presence at the door of my room. I didn’t see who exactly was that, all I know was she seemed walking towards my bed. It might be mum checking on me, I thought. But why is she checking on me in the middle of the night? Am I sick? A few seconds later, I felt her hand holding my left hand. I let her do it but curiously I squeezed her hand slowly enough that she won’t know I’m awake. I was shocked, the hand that holding me was not my mum’s hand. I am perfectly sure, it wasn’t her’s. The hand was not a hand of an old lady. My mum’s turning 70 in August. I am expecting a wrinkled hand, but it wasn’t. It was a hand of a young person, like my age. I have no idea if she is a HE or SHE. I was very confused till I realized I am dreaming. In my horror, I started to panic. I tried to move both my feet and hands to make myself awake. I tried to do it over and over again, but my body seemed so heavy that I can’t move it even a bit. It took me many tries before I finally awake. What surprised me most is that, I was positioning the same position in my dream. It feels really true, there was someone who visited me that night I just can’t pinpoint who it was. My heartbeat racing so fast, I didn’t move. I was scared but I was curious to know who it was really. It was a nightmare!!

After a minute I checked my clock it says May 29, 2012 4:55am. I’ve decided to get up, I went to check the kitchen, bathroom, living room and lastly I checked my mum if she is okay. Everything is in place and mum is sleeping. I went back to my room and find my rosary. I put it around my arm, like a bracelet and lied down on my bed again but changed my position to make sure I won’t dream again.
Finally, I was asleep again.

Unfortunately, in spite of changing my position I dreamt again.

I saw my high school classmate named "MG" In my dream we were walking side by side while talking about her ex boyfriend named "FC". As we talked I saw a boy walking ahead of us and he seemed heading to the same place where we going. He turned his head to us and there I know it was FC. I said Hi to him while waving my hand but he just smiled and continued his walk. As I remember he is not walking properly, there's something wrong with his right foot and his right hand. I feel pity on him. I walked faster to reach him, as soon as he saw me he said "you are so big now Mick" he was smiling while he said that but all I respond was a SMILE. I know in myself that I've had a lot of question to him like "how are you" but it didn't came out from my mouth.


We continued our walk, there's no one in there but two of us. We're in the woods, I walked first while he was following me. What happened was, I bumped in a tree. The road where I'm going to is a like a dead end. There's a tree right in the middle of the road and there's a lot of roots that I couldn't go through. 


I heard FC calling me, I turned my head to find him and there he was walking on the other side. "Come here, here's the right road" so I walked back and followed him. I was happy, we were both happy.


I woke up again. And there I know who it was on my first dream. It was FC, he is the one who entered in my room and hold my hand. I felt terrified, mix emotion actually. Scared, happy, sad, etc. I'm scared because I am dreaming someone who is dead, I'm happy because so many times I want to dream about this guy and I did, sad because I missed him so much and knowing I won't see him ever again. Out of hundreds of thousands of dreams that I have had, this one seems so real, so true. 


I felt loved by him because he comes to my dream, he visits me and hold my hands, proof that yes he cares for me. I cried, I want to shout so freaking bad "I want you back" but I was controlling myself. I then started to think all the memories we had, all the good things he did for me, his happy face. How I wish I could bring back the past and pause there just to have him and be with him. I want him to know how special he is, but all this is not gonna happen and it won't ever no matter what I do.

What makes this dream special is because FC once admit to MG about his feeling for me. He said that to her before they became together, but they broke up after almost a year of their relationship. FC died last July 28,2011 5am at age of 26, he is one of those Marine who got killed by the Abussayaf in Mindanao. 


I was hoping to meet him in August, the month after he died, coz he is supposed to go back home but he didn't reached August. All I met was his dead body. 


It was terrifying! 


That's why I'm happy and thankful for this dream. Somehow, he made me feel loved by him, perhaps because he is just right there, watching over me and yes he does, he does feel my love for him. 


I will forever treasure you and I will forever remember those memories we've had together. I miss you so much and I love you Forever! 

Dear God,

Here we go again facing the same exact thing as before. It's very disappointing that after all we've been through we still in the same situation again. I thought everyone has already learned from the past mistakes. I've never expect my other sister would do exactly the same mistake. Such a big failure *shakes head* but things stroke already and it left us no choices but to accept her decision. It may be hard for us but I know every thing will be in place in the right time. For now, let us put our trust to God coz as long as He is there, there's nothing to worry about.

I blame my sister for doing such a thing, especially the yelling over our older sister and blaming her over and over again in spite of all her sacrifices and help. I know how bad it is for her, and I feel so helpless that I can't help her in return of all her goodness. She is that good and helpful and very family minded, I can't even count how many persons she's been helping. She doesn't deserve this, and blaming her is such a terrible thing ever.

I adore my sister Emily so much. And I ask you Lord, begging you to please give her strength and wisdom. Just be with her Lord, she needed you so much. We can't be with her all this time, and you are the last Man I could ask for help. Lord you know that, you see what kind of person she is, so please don't ever leave her. Please let her feel that she is loved.

Please Lord protect my sister, no matter what will happen hope we're still together. Still family. Please forgive us Lord to all our sins. I know you have reasons, I hope we'll see it soon. Just don't abandon us Lord, please.

Song lyrics that captured my heart

First time that I saw you, looking back you did. We were young, we were restless....

‘cause love only comes once in a while, it knocks on your door and throws you a smile. It takes every breath, leaves every scar, speaks through your soul, and sings through your heart. If I knew then would I know now? I’d fall in love....

~IF I KNEW THEN by Lady Antebellum~


If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I’ll sail the world to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can’t see, I’ll be the light to guide you....
You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry...
I’ll never let go, never say goodbye...
~COUNT ON ME by Bruno Mars~


...I’d rather had bad times with you than good times with someone else. I’d rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself. I’d rather have hard times together than too have it easy apart. I’d rather have the one who holds my heart....
~I’D RATHER by Luther Vandross~

...I know you’re somewhere out there somewhere far away. I want you back, I want you back. My neighbours think I’m crazy but they don’t understand. You’re all I have, you’re all I have.

A night with the stars light up my room, I sit by myself. Talking to the moon, I try to get to you. And hope you’re on the other side talking to me too forevermore since alone talk into the moon....
~TALKING TO THE MOON by Bruno Mars~


.....Even though we’re far apart you’re right beside me in my heart.
.....Even though you’re far away I’m right beside you day by day...
~MY LOVE IS HERE by Erik Santos~


....and I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time. It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone and I need you now...
~NEED YOU NOW by Lady Antebellum~



Boy it’s been all this time, and I can’t get you off my mind. Nobody knows it but me....
...Everyday I wipe my tears away so many nights I pray for you to stay. I should’ve been chasing you. I should have been tried to prove that you were only matter to me.
...’cause what we had is all we’d ever need....
~ALL WE’D EVER NEED by Lady Antebellum~


Bucket full tears. Babe you know I’m here. I’m here waiting. Close your precious eyes and just realize I’m still fighting....
...Wake up feel the air that I am breathing. I can’t explain this feeling that I’m feeling. I won’t go another day without you...
~WITHOUT YOU by Aj Rafael~

YOU FOREVER

You were shot.
They ripped your head off.

You’re lying down in a coffin.
Your precious eyes were closed.
You’re no longer moving.
You were dead.

I was very hurt.
I was so weak.
I fainted and fell down.

I cried.

You’re gone.
I can’t see you.
I can’t hear you.
You never exist anymore.

I want you back.
I want you alive and breathing.
I want to see your flesh.
I want to feel your soul.

I want to touch you.
I want to hug you.
I want to feel your heartbeat.

I want you to know.
I want you to hear.
I want you to feel.

You are very special.
You are too important.
You are all I want.

You are my only love.
You are my everything.
You are my life.

I miss you.
I love you.
I love you forever.